Obsessive Compulsion
by ImmortalButterfly459
Summary: Something is starting to come unravelled in Hikaru's mind. He is doing things that don't make any sense to the people around him. Kaoru notices the changes in his brother and knows he is the only one who can help. But what can he really do? LEMON!TWINCES!
1. Chapter 1: Signs

A/N Hey guys! This is the first chapter to my first fan fic! I hope you all enjoy it!

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"Hikaru, we are going to be late!" Kaoru called over his shoulder. Hikaru shrugged nonchalantly and continued his pace walking along the maze like gardens that surrounded Ouran Academy.

"What's the rush Kaoru, you in a hurry to do something?" Hikaru smirked. He knew full well how Kaoru was about being on time. He chuckled to himself. He didn't like tormenting his twin, but he was so cute when he got worked up over something as insignificant as time.

"Of course not! But I don't want to be late! Classes start in 3 minutes and if we don't run we will never make it!" Hikaru smirked and grabbed Kaoru's shirt to halt him in his tracks. Kaoru turned around surprised. "What is it?" He asked desperation filling his voice.

"Lets skip it." Hikaru said pulling his brother into one of the nearby Trellis. It blocked them from the view of the school. Kaoru was stunned for a second, but quickly recovered.

"What do you mean skip it?!" He practically shouted. His face was flustered and his brow lined with worry. Hikaru smiled at his brothers adorably flushed face.

"Don't worry. If we skip it, then your perfect punctuality will still be intact." Hikaru smiled and ruffled Kaoru's hair. "Besides. I have something much better than school in mind today." Kaoru sighed. The bell had begun to ring and he knew their was no way he was showing up late. Hikaru knew him to well.

"Alright then your highness. What are we going to do today now that we seem to have a day off from school?" Kaoru smiled back. No use in being mad for the rest of the day. This wasn't the first time they had skipped class. Kaoru allowed himself to be pulled into Hikaru's lap, a smug smile on the older twins lips.

"Well that's up to you." Kaoru smiled and leaned his head on Hikaru's shoulder.

"We could go out today. Maybe to breakfast, then somewhere fun. Like the movies. Have some lunch or ice cream and come back here to meet the driver like always." Kaoru suggested. Hikaru nodded.

Kaoru stood up and offered his hand to his brother and Hikaru gladly accepted it before they walked back down through the gardens to the back of the school. They had done this at least once a year. Skipped classes to go have some fun of their own.

They ended up choosing a small diner for breakfast, one they were surely not going to be recognized at. That was the last thing they needed was for someone to call their parents because they weren't in school. It would ruin all their plans.

They went inside and sat themselves in a corner away from prying eyes. The waitress came up to them shortly after.

"Hi, my name is Sara, can I start you boys off with something to drink this morning?" She asked cheerfully

"Yeah, we will have 2 glasses of Dr. Pepper with 5 cubes of ice in each glass." Hikaru ordered. Kaoru raised an eye brow at his twin for ordering for him but shrugged it off. It was what he was going to order anyways. The waitress smiled and went to go get the drinks ready as they looked over the menu.

"Well this definitely isn't a five star restaurant." Chucked Kaoru. Hikaru nodded his head in agreement. The waitress came back carrying their drinks.

"Have you decided what you wanted? Or shall I give you a few more minutes." she asked noting their still raised menu's. Hikaru put his down, followed directly by Kaoru. They gave her their most intense stair and contemplated their response. The waitress looked taken aback and backed away slightly.

"We will both have.."

"…a small fruit bowl…"

"…2 poached eggs with wheat toast…

"…Lightly buttered…"

" …And your special on the stack of pineapple pancakes." they finished together. The waitress nodded apprehensively and the twins smirked in response. They laughed as she hurried off to place their order. They couldn't resist. She was way to cheerful.

"Hikaru, what should we go see?" Kaoru asked taking a long sip of his drink. Hikaru shrugged.

"Knowing you, we can't watch anything scary." Hikaru poked his annoyed twin in the ribs. He knew that statement wasn't true. But he still liked to give him a hard time.

"Ha Ha. Very funny."

"Ok then, there is this new movie coming out that I have been dying to see in fact. It's not really a horror film. more like an action packed thriller. "Kaoru turned to his brother in interest. "It's called 'Taken'. It's about this girl who is kidnapped in Europe while she is on the phone with her father who conveniently works for the government. So it's about rescuing is daughter, using all his trade mark skills." Kaoru nodded his head in agreement.

"alright sounds good to me."

Not soon after, the waitress returned with their food and they ate hurriedly. The movie was going to start in 2 hours and they weren't going out in their school uniforms. First they had to shop for something to wear. So they paid their check and headed down the street towards the nearest store.

They walked in and quickly surveyed the place before heading towards the men's department. They took their time surveying the clothes for something decent to wear. This was just an average store after all, and being the son's of a famous clothes designer left them rather picky. After about an hour and a half they finally decided on matching outfits that consisted of blue undershirts and grey zip ups, along with a pair of dark wash jeans, complete with a pair of nice looking mens sandals. They changed in the restrooms and started to walk towards the theatre.

Once they were inside, they bought the tickets for the 11:30 Matinee. The literally bought all of the tickets, so that the theatre would be blissfully empty save themselves. Hikaru chose the seat directly in the middle and Kaoru sat down to his left. Soon the movie started and the twins were enthralled. The movie went on for about an hour and a half.

Hikaru sighed in boredom. This movie wasn't really interesting. His eyes started to wander around trying to find something entertaing. They landed on the exit sign, blaring red through the darkness. Hesoon found himself entranced by it, his eyes tracing its outline over and over again. Kaoru watched the rest of the movie, though it was boring. He always liked to see the ending. As soon as it was over he stood up going to walk out when he noticed his brother not following him. He turned around and saw Hikaru staring towards the exit with such intensity it gave Kaoru the creeps. He tapped his twin on the shoulder to get his attention.

"Hikaru, the movies over." Kaoru said. Realization dawned on the other twins face and he too stood up following his brother.

"Well that wasn't as good as I had hoped." Hikaru stated. Kaoru could only agree.

He stared at the sidewalk and became lost in his thoughts. He wanted to ask Hikaru what he was doing in the theatre, but he doubted he would get an honest answer. They walked in silence. Hikaru was staring at the ground as well, but his thoughts weren't as coherent as his other halves. He was counting how many steps it took him to get through each block on the side walk.

'1 2 3...1 2 3... 1 2 3...1 2 3...1 2 3... 1 2...'His counting was interrupted by his brother.

"Where to now?" Kaoru asked looking up at his older brother.

"Huh?…Oh… um…I dunno. Lets get some lunch or something.." Hikaru shrugged. Kaoru nodded and looked at his twin who had resumed the counting of the steps once more.

They decided to stop by a small Italian restaurant for lunch. Just as with breakfast earlier Hikaru ordered Kaoru's drink. And Kaoru shrugged it off. Hikaru could sometimes be a control freak. Soon they were done and it was almost time for school to let out. They changed back into their school uniforms and headed towards Ouran Academy.

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Several uneventful weeks passed by. Boredom creeping in again. The twins were in their bedroom curled up on the bed. Kaoru was sleeping soundly, but no matter how hard Hikaru tried to sleep, he just couldn't keep his eyes closed. Every time he shut them, his brain would just start counting to5 then over again, not letting the darkness close in. so he decided that closing his eyes wasn't going to work. He needed to try something else.

After several hours of staring to his right counting the panes and smaller glass components that made up the large window he decided to get up and take a hot bath. Maybe that would help him relax and go to sleep, his brain sure wasn't helping matters at all. If he could just fall asleep by 3 then he could at least get a few hours of sleep in before class the next morning. He sighed and looked at the clock. 2:15. He carefully removed Kaoru's sleeping form from his body and crept into the adjoining bathroom.

Bending over the tub he turned on the faucet to the perfect temperature and poured some relaxing lavender bath salts into the water. He let the tub fill most of the way up, then quickly undressed and slid into the hot soothing water. Instantly his brain became muddled and his eyes slowly closed. Soon he was fast asleep. He woke up soon after and returned to his bed holding Kaoru close to his chest and fell asleep.

Kaoru woke with a start. He looked next to him on the bed and realized Hikaru wasn't there. He saw the light on in the bathroom. He listened but no noise came from it. He got out of bed and slowly crept up to the door. It was cracked a bit so he peeked his head in. From his view of the bathtub it looked like no one was in it. He pushed the door open wider and walked towards the apparently empty tub. His heart stopped. Hikaru was under the water, his face slightly blue.

Kaoru rushed to his side and pulled him above the water. He dragged his limp naked body down to the floor. Water splashed everywhere soaking Kaoru's pajama's but at that moment that was the furthest thing from his mind. He looked at Hikaru's face. If it wasn't for the unhealthy color it looked as if he could have been sleeping. He tried to wake him up but his eyes never opened. He pounded on his chest and rolled him over to pound on his back in an effort to get the water from his lungs. Nothing happened. He laid him back down on his back and places his mouth over his brothers identical one. Tilting his brothers head back so the air way was completely open, he counted to 1 as he breathed in. he didn't want to overfill his lungs. He did this two more times before he placed his hands on his chest and pumped down 15 times.

'oh god Hikaru! Wake up! Live Dammit!' He screamed in his mind fear engulfing his body. He repeated the process twice more. On his 9th push down Hikaru's eyes opened and he sat up coughing up water and choking, trying to get the much needed oxygen into his lungs.

Kaoru started sobbing and patting his brother on the back. When Hikaru was done choking he turned to Kaoru.

"WHAT WERE YOU DOING!!" Kaoru yelled crying as he hugged his brother close. Hikaru was confused. What had just happened? He looked around at the water on the floor. He looked down at himself and noticed he was naked. Kaoru was soaked in his pajamas and they were on the floor.

"What happened?" Hikaru asked still not sure.

"You almost drowned! I thought you were dead!" Kaoru cried holding Hikaru close sobs racking his body. Hikaru held him close.

"I couldn't sleep. I was taking a bath to relax…I swear I got out though. I went back to bed…didn't I?" He asked staring disbelievingly into his other parts eyes.

"You never came back to bed. I would have woken up! You fell asleep in the water Hikaru! If I hadn't known how to do CPR you would have died!" He sobbed. Hikaru looked down at his baby brother.

"You saved my life? I'm so sorry Kaoru." Hikaru couldn't help but cry. His lungs burnt from the recent event and his breaths came in a little ragged still. But if it hadn't been for Kaoru he wouldn't have lived. Hikaru picked up Kaoru's head and places his lips over his twins. Kaoru was shocked. He pulled away and looked at Hikaru.

"Why did you do that?" Hikaru blushed.

"I don't know. I thought it just felt right." Kaoru looked at Hikaru his expression unreadable." I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. If you want we can just…" But he didn't finish his sentence because Kaoru had grabbed his head and smashed his lips against his own. Hikaru hugged onto Kaoru tightly. And deepened the kiss. After a few minutes of kissing, Hikaru pulled away. He couldn't hold his breath any longer, his lungs felt too weak.

After a few minutes of hugging and a few more kisses Kaoru stood up. He helped Hikaru to his feet. Dizziness almost overcame him but Kaoru caught him just in time. He helped him to their bed and laid him down. He went over to their closet and pulled out two pairs of boxers and helped Hikaru into his pair. Kaoru laid down next to his brother and pulled him close.

"We are staying home tomorrow. You need to rest. And I'm staying with you. Hikaru knew there was no point in arguing. He buried his head into Kaoru's neck and hugged him close. He soon drifted off into a restful sleep. Kaoru stayed awake for another hour watching his brother making sure he was still breathing. He closed his eyes finally and he too drifted off to sleep.

Hikaru awoke first. He looked over at the clock. It read 12:42. So they had slept the morning away. He didn't doubt they would after such an eventful night. He sat up rubbing his tired eyes. His chest still hurt from the night before. It probably would for a few days. He felt his brother stir next to him. He looked over at Kaoru and golden eyes met an exact pair of golden eyes.

"How are you feeling?" Kaoru asked sitting up and throwing his arms around Hikaru's neck. Hikaru smiled at him. He laid down and pulled Kaoru on top of him wrapping his arms around him.

"Much better. Thank you. I owe you my life Kaoru." Hikaru kissed the top of the other boys head.

"Your lucky I woke up. I was so afraid I was going to lose you." Kaoru said looking into the other boys eyes, tears were dripping down the older twins face. Kaoru reached a hand up and wiped the tears away. He pulled Hikaru's face towards his own. Hikaru could feel his hot breath on his face, slowly breathing in and out. Hikaru watched as those perfect lips parted slightly and kissed him. It was pure sinful bliss. He knew he had loved Kaoru for a long time, but He never thought that he would return those feelings. Hikaru smiled against his brothers lips and deepened the kiss. He needed to show Kaoru just how grateful he was for everything. He pulled away and looked into his brothers eyes.

"Kaoru, I Love you. Thank you so much.' Hikaru smiled at his brother. Kaoru smiled back almost innocently. Almost.

"Hikaru. I Love you too. I don't ever want you to leave me." Kaoru said kissing him for added effect.

"I will never leave you Kaoru. We were born together, we will stay together and we will die together." Hikaru nodded, then pulled his head in for another kiss. This kiss was different than the other ones. It was more passionate, with more wanting. Hikaru glided his tongue across Kaoru's bottom lip asking for entrance which he happily obliged. Hikaru explored his brothers sweet decadent mouth with his tongue. Kaoru moaned. He instinctively started to grind into Hikaru's leg. Hikaru taking this as a good sign flipped them both over so that he was on top of Kaoru. He kissed along Kaoru's neckline and his collarbone.

He blew softly against his brothers neck and sent shivers through Kaoru's body. Kaoru stopped him and looked into his brothers eyes. Love tinged with lust filled those golden orbs and Kaoru lost it. He pulled Hikaru down for another searing kiss and slid his hand daringly into the opening of his twins boxers and grabbed his erect member. Hikaru's eyes shot open at the sudden contact. A small moan escaped his lips and pushed his hips into Kaoru's hand. He took this as a good sign and began pumping his hand up and down. Hikaru couldn't take anymore. He pulled his brothers hand out and pushed Kaoru down further onto the bed.

Pulling his younger brothers legs up he gently slid off his brothers boxers and his erect member sprang free. Kaoru moaned at the release from the tight bonds. Hikaru scooted down and licked his brothers entire length. Kaoru's moans got louder.

"Oh God Hikaru…"

"You like this Kaoru?" His brothers breathy reply came and all Kaoru could do was push himself at Hikaru. Of course he did Hikaru chuckled and obliged his brother. He took the full length of his member into his mouth and sucked on it long and hard before releasing it from his mouth. Kaoru whined in response and buried his hands into the hair so much like his own.

He moved his head down a bit further and started to probe his brothers entrance with his tongue. Kaoru looked down in surprise and what he saw made his eyes roll to the back of his head in pure unadulterated ecstasy. After lubing his brother up with his saliva, Hikaru entered to fingers into Kaoru and began preparing his entrance for what was to come. Kaoru shivered at the contact.

"Hik..hi.." But it was a failed attempt.. He couldn't form a coherent word in the state he was in. Hikaru placed another finger inside his brother and kept probing deeper and harder.

Hikaru removed his fingers altogether and stationed himself above Kaoru. Kaoru used his legs to pull his brothers boxers down. Hikaru moaned at the sight of his wanton brother. He placed himself at his brothers entrance and began a slow steady motion, probing deeper with each thrust. Kaoru moaned in response and dug his nails into his brothers shoulders. One last push and he was in to the hilt inside his brothers warm body. He started up his rhythm again, faster and harder than before. At the same time He grabbed his brothers throbbing erection and began stroking it in time with his thrust.

"Oh God Hikaru! I'm going to…" He never finished his sentence before his seed burst forth across his chest and his brothers hand. Wave after wave of his climax hit full force, his body trembling in it's wake. Hikaru couldn't hold it any longer. As soon as his brother came, he tightened his hole around his brother causing Hikaru to lose it soon after.

They stayed like that for a few seconds afterward, trying to catch their breath and get over the shock of what had just transpired between them. Slowly Hikaru removed himself from his brothers tightness and stood up, offering a hand to his reddened twin.

"Lets go get cleaned up" Hikaru smiled down at his twin lovingly. Kaoru smiled back and he let himself be led into their bathroom.

Hikaru turned on the faucet to the shower and turned around to face Kaoru. He kissed his brother lovingly on the lips and stepped in, pulling his brother along. He grabbed the sponge and squeezed some body wash into it lathering it up before rubbing it over Kaoru's chest in slow circles. Kaoru leaned his head back as Hikaru continued to wash every part of his body. Hikaru then bent down and retrieved the bottle of shampoo and started massaging it into Kaoru's hair. Then came the conditioner. Soon Kaoru was squeaky clean, and of course returned the favor.

They emerged 30 minutes later, clean and tired. Hikaru led his brother back to the bed and laid down, snuggling close. They fell asleep in no time.

Hikaru woke up about an hour later noticing Kaoru's still sleeping form splayed across his chest. He started to think about what happened earlier, a small smile playing on his lips. He stared out the window his eyes tracing the outline. Soon he realized he couldn't stop his eyes from moving. He just kept tracing it over and over again. He looked away after a few minutes and stared at the door. And just like the window his eyes started tracing it's outline. Kaoru's eyes opened and he stared at his twin. He was staring at the door with such intensity that it sent shivers down his spine.

"Hikaru, what's wrong?" Hikaru jumped at the sudden noise and looked into a pair of golden eyes, worry evident in them.

"I don't know." He whispered back. Kaoru opened his mouth to say something and Hikaru shook his head. "It's nothing, don't worry about it ok?" Kaoru eyes his brother suspiciously, but after a moment nodded his head warily.

"You can tell me anything. You don't have to hide it ok? I will always be here to listen." Hikaru hugged his brother and nodded into his neck. They stayed like this for a few minutes just holding each other. The peaceful moment was finally broken by the slight grumble in Kaoru's stomach. Hikaru chuckled.

"Hungry?" Kaoru nodded grinning in embarrassment. Hikaru chuckled at his brother before getting out of bed and walking over to their closet. He opened the door and found some matching outfits for him and his brother. He threw one to Kaoru and they hurriedly got dressed and walked downstairs.

"Masters, what would you like to have for lunch?" the twin maids asked bowing.

"We Will be having curry chicken with rice and Dr. Pepper for now." Kaoru replied leading his brother to the kitchen table. Hikaru raised his eyebrow at his brother but shrugged it off. Kaoru had grown some balls in the last few hours. That thought made Hikaru chuckle quietly to himself.

They sat down making small talk waiting for their food to arrive. A few moments later the maids came back in carrying their separate trays and set them down in front of the twins before hurrying off to finish the chores.

They ate in relative silence. Kaoru staring out the window lost in a daze. Hikaru looked around their dining room. His eyes once again fell on the door, and without even realizing they eyes started to resume their action from earlier tracing the frame. Kaoru silently watched his other half. He looked over at the door. Just like earlier he was staring at it with such intensity it scared him. He studied Hikaru's eyes and noticed they were moving around in small circles. He watched him more intently and saw that not only his eyes removing but his fingers were as well, tracing a small square in the middle of the air. His lips were moving only slightly. Kaoru strained his ears to hear what Hikaru was saying.

"1 2 3 4 .…1 2 3 4 ….1 2 3 4 ..." over and over again. Why was he counting. What was he counting. Seeing his brother like that sent chills down his spine. He warily placed a hand on Hikaru's. Hikaru jumped and stared wide eyed at his brother.

"Hika.." Kaoru started but Hikaru stood up and ran out of the room. Kaoru was up immediately running after him.

"Hikaru! Wait!" Kaoru cried and to his surprise he actually listened. Kaoru caught up to him and grabbed him hugging him around the middle.

"Kaoru…" Hikaru said holding his younger brother close to him. Kaoru looked up at his brother and wiped the stray tear that fell down Hikaru's face.

"It's ok. Tell me about it. I won't judge you." Kaoru begged his brother.

"I just…I don't know. It started last night. I was…I don't know…tracing I guess you could say the window. Then the door and counting…argh…"He growled in frustration. He wasn't making any sense. Kaoru hugged his brother urging him to continue. "I couldn't sleep because of it. I would close my eyes but instead of going to sleep I just started counting. I counted to 5 then started over. I kept doing it, but I don't understand why. I wasn't counting anything, I was just…counting." Kaoru nodded.

"It's ok Hikaru. I'm here for you. If it bothers you again let me know. I will distract you or something…I don't know. But just let me know ok?" Hikaru nodded and kissed Kaorus' forehead.

"Lets go do something. Lets get your mind off of things for awhile. It's probably just stress." Kaoru led his brother outside to their car. Kaoru got in the drivers seat and started the engine. They drove around town for awhile before they decided on going shopping at the nearest high class mall.

2 million yen later they emerged carrying armfuls of bags each and both had a smile on their faces.

It was now nearing 9pm, they decided on having dinner out at a restaurant called the Elephant room. It was a nice place decorated in African décor. They ate quickly then drove home for some much needed sleep.

"Hikaru?"

"Yes Kaoru?"

"I love you."

"And I will always love you." Hikaru captured his brothers lips in a passionate kiss before curling up and falling fast asleep.

AN: ok sorry to those of you who like the movie Taken. And sorry this is kinda dragging out. But bear with me and I promise it will be good!


	2. A Losing Battle

Disclaimer: I do not own anything except the plot and flow of words in this story.

A/N ok so I didn't do such a great job on the last chapter. It was rushed and drawn out. But I hope you can see a pattern emerging. For those of you suffering with OCD I apologize. I am only writing this as a testament to how it's affected my own life personally, so don't get upset. After this I am going to keep the authors notes to a minimum alright? Enjoy.

Hikaru's POV

A loud beeping sounded somewhere off in the distance. I couldn't place my finger on it. I knew it meant something important, but it didn't matter. It was warm and safe where I was. I can hear someone calling my name. who is it? Can't they see I don't want to be disturbed? I respond to the intruder by burying my face further into the warm softness. Mmm… feels so nice.

Kaoru chuckled at his brothers sleeping form. 'He must be really tired.' he mused to himself. He tried to wake me again.

"Hikaru…time to wake up…We have school today.." He whispered sweetly into my ear. I could feel his hot breath tickling my neck and I stirred in his arms. I opened my eyes and looked over at my brother trying to will the last remnants of sleep away. He chuckled to himself.

"It's time to get up for school, We can't miss another day." Kaorus' sweet voice washed over me. I couldn't help but smile in return. He placed a small kiss on my forehead.

"Yeah your right." I rolled over and stretched my sleeping limbs awake, stifling a yawn that decided to make itself present. Kaoru was already up looking through the closet for some fresh clean uniforms to wear. I got up and followed him as he entered our adjoining bathroom.

I was the first to shower. I turned the water to a comfortable temperature and stepped in. The warm water washed over my tired body, streaming down my back sending a cold shiver through my spine. I sighed in relief. I didn't move for a several more moments just enjoying the feeling of warmth encircling my aching muscles before I quickly washed my hair and body to let Kaoru have his turn. As soon as I emerged from the shower he wrapped me in a warm terrycloth towel and kissing me ever so lightly before stepping in himself.

I walked over to the vanity and sat down to do my hair after brushing my teeth. I wiped the steam from the mirror and grabbed the blow-dryer off the shelf. By the time I was done with my hair, Kaoru was turning the water off in the shower. I quickly got up and returned to him with a warm towel and a kiss just as he had done for me earlier. He took my place at the vanity and I walked out of the room to get dressed. Minutes later he emerged looking gorgeous as ever.

" What do you think Kyoya will say since we missed the host club yesterday?" I asked Kaoru shrugged.

"Probably something along the lines of 'You should have called, we had to cancel all of your appointments for the day without any notice from you two." I laughed at his perfect imitation of our shadow king, otherwise known as mommy.

I walked over to the mirror and tried my best to put my tie on. Kaoru laughed at my futile attempts and came over to help me.

"You would think after all this time, you could do this by yourself for once." He teased.

"But I would rather you do it instead" I kissed his lips tenderly for a moment in thanks. He grinned unabashedly, his smile was contagious. "Hurry up and get ready. I will be downstairs getting breakfast." Kaoru nodded and I walked out of the room towards the dining area.

A few of the maids greeted me as I walked by but I didn't pay them any heed. I sat down at the table looking at the breakfast spread before me. I took my time filling my plate, I noticed that there was no orange juice on the table. I knew it was Kaoru's favorite, he had it every morning. I called one of the maids over.

"You forgot the Orange Juice. Please bring some immediately." The maid nodded and bowed in apology before skipping off to the kitchen to retrieve it. She emerged with the orange juice in tow seconds later and scampered off as soon as it was set on the table.

Minutes passed and Kaoru still wasn't present. 'God what's taking him so long' I mused. I started to drum my fingers on the table, I didn't even notice that there was a pattern in the offhanded gesture.

Forefinger to pinky, pinky to forefinger. 1234 4321 1234 4321 1234 4321 1234 4321 1234 4321 1234..

Kaoru arrived at that moment. My fingers drummed out the rest of the pattern without me even realizing I had done it 4321, before I stood up to pull out Kaoru's chair for him. He raised one perfect eyebrow at me and smiled before sitting down in the offered chair. I poured 2 glasses of orange juice and set one in front of Kaoru.

"Thanks" he mumbled and I smiled in reply. We ate our breakfasts and excused ourselves from the table.

"I will go get our bags." Kaoru nodded and sat in the waiting area by the door. I ran off to our room. As I ran up the stairs I didn't notice the way I would unknowingly tap my fingers together after each step I had taken, or the way I silently kept track of them in my head. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16. I reached the landing and headed into our room., picked up our bags from their designated hooks in our closet, and turning around to meet Kaoru in the entrance. Once again unnoticeably counting the stairs on the way down.

*****

We were in our first class of the day, and I wasn't particularly interested in the lesson the instructor was droning on about. It was something about an intro into psychology . We were to spend 2 weeks studying sociology, then 2 more weeks of abnormal psychology Mostly dealing with the more life changing mental disorders. That would be interesting, but I'd have to admit sociology definitely wasn't my cup of tea.

I became bored fast and my eyes started to wander. They soon landed on the chalkboard at the front of the classroom. They automatically started their slow rhythmic dance, tracing an invisible line all around the outside of the large rectangle. I think at all about the fact I was counting the 4 sides the entire time my eyes circled it's perimeter. 1 2 3 4...1 2 3 4…1 2 3 4...1 2 3 4. I lost track of time. I saw nothing else but the invisible line, heard nothing else except the soft rhythm of numbers.

SMACK!

I jumped terrified. I looked away from the tantalizing object and stared in front of me. The Instructor towering above me, ruler in hand.

"Are you quite finished ?" He demanded.

I looked around me. Everyone was staring at me, a few were whispering to each other. I looked between Haruhi's and Kaoru's worried faces. What did I do? I didn't understand. I was minding my own business wasn't I?

Anger suddenly filled my chest, threatening to suffocate me. I needed to escape, I needed to get out. I couldn't breathe. My breaths were coming in short and ragged. I suddenly stood up glaring at the teacher with as much hate as I could muster. He looked taken aback, but I didn't care. I had to leave.

I ran for the exit and ran down the hall towards the boys bathroom. The sudden rage blinding me, threatening to break free from the confines of my chest. I threw open the door and ran inside. I couldn't think anymore. I had to release this rage slowly building inside, so I did the only thing I could think of at the time. I punched the mirror with such force it shattered on impact, sending glass flying everywhere. A piece of the shrapnel cut my cheek marring it's perfection with a slash of crimson. Angry tears clouded my eyes, I wiped them away, hoping the anger would subside.

I looked down at my hand and noticed my swollen bleeding knuckles. A dry throaty crazed laugh escaped my throat.

"Hikaru…" I turned around and there was Kaoru standing in the doorway looking at me in shock. He looked from the broken mirror and glass strewn everywhere back to me. He noticed my injured hand and the blood running down my chin, his face paling.

I didn't want him to see me this way. I didn't want him to look at what I had done. Shame replaced the anger and I looked away from my brother. Tears fell from my tired burning eyes as I thought how scared he was of me.

"Go away! Don't look at me!" I yelled at him. I couldn't handle his rejection. I couldn't handle it if he threw me away. He thinks I'm crazy. Hell I think I'm crazy.

I slumped onto the floor my face in my hands staring wide eyed into nothingness, lost in my own thoughts. I felt a pair of arms draw me into them. A sadness such as I have never felt before engulfed and overwhelmed my feeble heart. I hugged my brother with all my might and cried desperately into his chest.

Kaoru did his best to comfort me, whispering sweet calming things into my ear, stroking my hair away from my face. Soothing all that unbearable pain away. He kissed my tear stained cheeks and wiped the blood away with his handkerchief, then using it to wrap my torn knuckles. I stopped crying after a few minutes, but he still held me close, letting me know he wasn't going to leave me. Telling me again and again that he loved me more than anything. I held him close, taking in his scent, breathing it in until I became lightheaded.

I didn't even notice when he called for our car to pick us up. Or that we were no longer in the bathroom but walking through the crowded halls to the front. I could hear people whispering to themselves.

"Did you hear that cry?"

"Look at the blood on his face."

"What do you suppose happened?"

"I heard He went crazy in class."

I didn't care. They could talk about me all they wanted. All I cared about was Kaoru. I grabbed his hand in mine and looked up from his shoulder into those breathtaking eyes. I allowed myself to be led into the waiting limo, Kaoru sliding in silently beside me.

I held onto him as if he was my lifeline. If I dared let go I would surely perish and be left to the darkness alone. He only held me closer, cradling me into his soothingly warm body.

"Hikaru…do you want me to call a doctor to come look at your hand?" He quietly asked. I shook my head, that was the last thing I wanted, he of course understood. When we arrived at the house, he led me quietly to the bedroom.

"I told Haruhi that we wouldn't be attending The Host Club today. She said she would inform Kyoya. I sent him a text though, just to make sure the message was relayed properly" I gave him a small sad yet grateful smile as he led me to the bed. He helped me out of my stiff uniform and undressed himself quickly. He pulled the blankets over us as he laid down next to me. Almost tentatively he pulled me close, embracing me in a tight hug. He lifted my chin so that I was looking directly into those golden orbs filled with worry on my behalf. I closed my eyes. I couldn't face him. They shot open only seconds later as one of the lightest kisses I had ever felt was placed on my lips.

I looked at my brother in wonder, that he would even still want to kiss me, his insane older brother. He smiled, reassuring everything he had said back at the school before leaning forward and capturing my lips in a searing kiss. Every emotion He had felt in the last hour was embedded in that one kiss. Worry, fear, anxiety, stress, hurt, but most of all Love. I wanted to cry when he pulled away, but I wouldn't.

"Kaoru?" I whispered tentatively. He squeezed my hand to signal he was listening. "What happened today?…I mean…what happened…back in the classroom?" Kaoru sighed pushing some of my bangs to the side. He looked deeply into my eyes as if he were searching for something before he continued.

"You were just staring at the chalkboard, your eyes moving in circles. You kept muttering to yourself. counting to be exact. At first no one could hear you, but you gradually got louder. You started to rock back and forth in your seat, and drum your fingers on the table, all the while still counting, but only to 4. You only counted to 4." He explained holding me closer to him. "The instructor was annoyed that you were disrupting class so he hit your desk with the ruler to get your attention. When you came to you looked like a deer caught in the headlights. You looked so terrified I wanted to cry. Then all of the sudden you stood up, your mood changing drastically. You looked so enraged. I could literally feel your anger radiating off of you in waves." Kaoru held my hand tighter. "Then you ran, and I ran after you. I walked into the bathroom just after you broke the mirror." He let a few stray tears fall down his face and I wiped them away with my thumb.

"I'm sorry." tears stung my eyes again. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to scare you. Please don't be mad at me. Please don't leave me." I whispered that last part holding onto Kaoru even tighter. He kissed my forhead lightly.

"I'm far from mad at you Hikaru. I will never leave you. Not even if you asked me too." Tears fell freely down my face now and I clutched Kaoru closer. And for the second time that day I wept like a child.

A/N: Ok so now the story is starting to pick up. Please let me know what you all think ok? I really appreciate reviews and constructive critisism. I know I need to improve on my writing, so that's where you all come in. thanks for reading J


	3. Contemplations and Realizations

Kaoru's POV

Hikaru sobbed into my chest for hours, clutching onto me as if I would just walk out of his life and leave him behind all alone. That may be a little overdramatic to some people, but to us all we had ever had were ourselves.

After he had finally fallen asleep from the exhaustion, I picked him up and placed him gently down on the bed, tucking him into the warm white duvet. He stirred a little but thankfully didn't awaken as I placed a loving kiss on his forehead.

As quietly as I could I walked out of our room, down the stairs and out into the cool night air. The smell of wet dewy grass hit my nostrils and I paused relishing in the familiar scent. I headed over to our olympic sized swimming pool in the backyard and turned off the lights.

I looked up over into our bedroom window and didn't see movement reassuring myself that my brother was still sleeping soundly. I didn't want to leave him but I needed to clear my head, and a relaxing swim in the dark cool waters of our pool always made me feel better.

There was a stereo in the outdoor kitchen thankfully, I grabbed the remote off one of the lounges and pushed play letting Mozart's Requiem caress my ears. I removed my clothes leaving only my boxers before diving lithely into the darkness below without a seconds thought.

I felt the cold instantly surround me, shocking my senses to new levels of awakening, shaking any and all traces of exhaustion from my body. It was pure unadulterated ecstasy. I opened my eyes and saw nothing but black at first but turning my head towards the surface, I saw the shining slivers of dancing silver moonlight bouncing playfully above my head. I blew out all the air from of my lungs completely and relaxed my body, slowly sinking down to the dark depths below.

I let myself sink lower floating just above the bottom, It was the most wonderful escape I could ever hope to ask for, giving me the few precious moments that I required to work through some of my most troubling dilemmas.

I thought back on today's events, about Hikaru and they way he was starting to change. It was almost as if he was a different person at times, the thought alone sent a chill through my body that had nothing to do with the cold water. When I saw him today in the bathroom after the incident in the classroom, I didn't recognize him at first. His face was crazed and frightened, almost as if he had lost all sense of reality. It troubled me greatly to see him that way. I dwelled on him for a few more seconds before turning smoothly, pushing off the bottom soaring gracefully to the surface.

As soon as my face broke the surface my lungs greedily gasped for air, almost choking, but I recovered quickly and floated above the darkness taking in the magnificent sky above. It was a full moon out tonight, the brilliance of it overpowering most of the stars, though a few remained having the audacity to continue shining across the vast navy heavens, as though they were they only thing that existed in their world. My eyes shut and I let myself just drift in the water for a few minutes, letting all my tension flow away from me as Mozart's Lacrimosa soothed my restless soul. I let my eye lids drift shut, my mind setting to work on the task at hand, Hikaru's happiness.

I had been watching him closely for awhile now, I noticed immediately when he started to change. I could pin point the exact moment this had all began. The day at the movies, when I caught him so entranced by something in the corner of the room. His face was anxious and his breathing was shallow, though I had no idea what had caused it. When I looked in the direction he was staring there was nothing there except the blaring red Exit sign. I wanted to know what was causing him so much distress, but the more I thought about it the more helpless I felt, as if there really was nothing I could do.

And then there was today. He had cried more today than he probably had all our lives. It hurt my very soul to watch him cry, like he was so lost and nothing made sense in his world. In Our world.

I was cold now, limbs numb from the shock, lips blue. But I didn't care, I still needed to think. I floated there for awhile longer thinking of all the ways Hikaru had been changing when my eyes shot open and I immediately swam for the edge, pulling myself fluidly from the freezing waters. Wrapping one of the towels that laid on a bench nearby around my waist, I grabbed the remote and pushed stop, causing a deafening silence to be cast around me. I didn't think about that though as I ran towards the house at full speed. I had to get to our library. I needed to see if my theory was correct. Oh god how I hoped it wasn't.

I ran through the house at full speed almost slipping from the water a few times, and when I reached the doors I almost lost my nerve completely. Almost.

I pushed open one of the dark oak French styled doors and closed it softly behind me. I didn't want anybody to know I was here, least of all my brother. It was the first time I had ever hidden from him, and it didn't bode well with me, but I needed my privacy. Besides this was for him right? I tried to convince myself of that statement as I searched through the many shelves for the medical section. When I found it I looked curiously at the many books trying to find something that could help me find the answer to my theory. Seeing nothing at a glance I went row by row looking at every individual title on the shelf. By the third time I was growing desperate. I couldn't find anything about what I was looking for, there was a book for just about every illness know to mankind, except for the one I desperately needed.

I slumped to the floor feeling defeat slipping its ugly cloak around my shoulders, I wanted to cry. I gazed back up slowly and noticed a book had fallen under the shelf across from me. I sat up and reached under dragging the heavy volume towards me along with the dust pile it currently sat upon, the book covered in a thick coat as well.

I grabbed my towel and polished the spine to read it's title.

'Complete Encyclopedia of Medical and Mental Disorders.' My heart skipped a beat and I opened it excitedly. I knew the answer to my unspoken question lay in the small black print of this very book. I scanned the index with my eyes noting quickly that what I was looking for were on pages 456 though 458. I quickly turned to 456 and began reading. By the time I had gotten to the end my brain was numb with the shock of the information I had just absorbed.

The book fell from my hands landing with a thud on the floor below. Hot tears stung my eyes and blurred my vision. It wasn't possible, it wasn't. If it really was true about him, then how could it not be true about me? We were identical in every single aspect, why would this be any different?

I closed my eyes and calmed my breathing. I couldn't jump to conclusions just yet, I had no real proof, it may still be too early to tell. I decided to sleep on it and decide what to do in the morning.

I exited the library as quietly as I had entered and tip toed up the stairs, but quickly came to a halt as one of the maids came running up to me.

"Thank god Master Kaoru you alright. Master Hikaru has woken up and he was upset to find you gone. I went to check on him a minute ago and noises were coming through the doorway, but I couldn't make out what the sound was." She talked the entire time we walked towards our bedroom, an anxiety such as I had never felt clawing through my tender heart. When we had reached the door I hesitated, not wanting to go in just yet. When he saw me would he be mad at me for not waking him up? Or would he be crying again because he thinks I left?

My thoughts were interrupted as a loud crash resounded in the empty hall. I panicked and opened the door. What I saw made my heart sink further. Hikaru was standing over our newly broken window, papers were scattered and torn all over the place. The one picture of us taken out of its frame and lay on the bed, I could only assume the frame was what broke the window, and Hikaru was pacing in front of it in nothing but his boxers and a black tank top. He turned and noticed me.

"Kaoru!" Hikaru flung himself at me sobbing hysterically. "Why did you leave me alone? I tried to find you! I looked all over the house, I asked the maids. No one saw you leave." He suddenly stopped crying and stood up straight glaring at me with such ferocity it made my blood run cold, but what came next hurt me more than him hating me. His face contorted into pure anguish, and I knew I had caused it. He sat on the floor and hugged himself close together, as if to shield himself from the pain I had caused him.. "You left me…You said you wouldn't leave me. I thought I had scared you away. I'm so sorry. I'm so fucked up I can't even think anymore. Why did you leave me alone Kaoru." His voice pleading and accusing.

It was my fault this had happened. It was my fault my brother was in so much pain, I can't believe I was so selfish as to think after everything that had happened that day he would be fine if I left him by himself for a few hours. It was my fault and I had to make it right.

I quickly walked over to him and gathered him into my arms, as tears flowed freely down my face. I wanted to tell him what I had done while I was away and tell him I wasn't running away from him, but all I could manage to get out was a weak "I'm so sorry." I cried harder repeating it over and over again in his ear. "I'm so sorry…I'm so sorry Hikaru. I'm sorry. I'm so very sorry." I rocked him back and forth as a I repeated the mantra out loud, to both calm him down and help ease my guilt at the damage I had caused to my brother. His sobs soon subsided and he hugged me fiercely to him, shaking in the after effects of his adrenaline rush. We stayed like that for a few minutes before the silence was interrupted.

"Kaoru?" His voice was so soft I almost didn't hear it. I picked my head up, straining to hear him over my own haggard breathing. "Where did you go?" He picked his head up and looked into my eyes, silently torturing me, reminding me of my failure. I bowed my head down, I couldn't look into those golden orbs smoldering with unrestrained emotion.

"I just went for a swim. I had a lot on my mind." I whispered back. I expected him to start yelling or crying again. I waited with abated breath for the outburst, and was shocked when he tilted my head up with his finger forcing me to look at him. Tears were present in his eyes and he smiled, a small and watery one, but a smile none the less. It vanished as soon as it came and he looked down again, letting a few tears fall.

"You must hate me. You must think I'm having a mental break down, that I'm stupid and psychotic." He mumbled barely above a whisper, and I found myself straining to hear his words once more. I pulled his shaking body to mine and hugged him with as much love as I could muster. I decided to tell him the truth.

"I'm scared Hikaru. I'm scared of you…" He looked up into my eyes and I continued. "I'm scared of you hating me. I'm scared for you. I'm scared for your safety and for your mental well being. I'm at a loss of what to do. But I could never hate you. Nothing you could ever do, would make me hate you. I don't think your stupid either. Nor psychotic. I think your letting your mind make you go a bit crazy though." he smiled a bit at my lame attempt of a joke. "I didn't mean to leave you. I wanted to let you rest. I'm sorry that I made you so upset. It's my fault. I made you worry and I'm so sorry." I sobbed out my apology and hugged him tighter. I felt him shake his head.

"You being gone didn't make me break the window." He whispered into my hair.

"What did then?" I asked looking into his eyes. He away in shame.

"I don't want to tell you." I kissed his forehead upon hearing those words and hugged him tighter to my chest. It broke my heart all over again.

"We tell each other everything. Why should we stop now?" I didn't want to pressure him, but I had to know what happened to make my brother like this. To make him change to this new person I knew nothing about.

"You will just think I'm crazy." I was a little annoyed at his lack of understanding.

"Have I ever said that before? Did I say that at the school this morning?" He shook his head again. "Ok then, tell me what happened." He looked up at me once more.

"Can I have a kiss first?" I smiled and brought his lips to mine. They were warm and wet, and a bit salty from the tears, though I didn't know whether they were mine or his. He deepened the kiss a little and I immediately responded.

"I love you." I whispered into his lips and he pulled away a new wave of sobs racking his slender frame

"What's wrong Hikaru?" He shook his head and looked at me.

"I'm scared." I gave him a questioning look and he continued. "I'm scared because when I tell you what happened, I will probably never be able to kiss you again, or hear you say that you love me." Tears blurred my vision at his confession.

"Don't say that Hikaru." I lifted his head up so he was staring at me once more. "I will always love you." I leaned in and kissed him "I. Will. Never. Stop. Kissing. Those. Gorgeous. Tasty. Lips. Of. Yours." a kiss punctuating my every word. Then I kissed him with as much passion as I could muster once more, to reassure him. "Now please tell me what happened." He finally acquiesced to my request.

"But I don't know where to begin."

"Just start at the beginning."

"Well I woke up about an hour ago and you were gone." He stopped and I urged him to continue. "I sort of panicked at first and I checked the bathroom. You weren't there obviously. I tried to calm down thinking you would be back any moment. After about 5 minutes of you being gone, I tried to call you, but you had left your cell here. I was getting anxious, I had to do something to calm myself down before you got back." He stopped again.

"Then what happened?" I asked squeezing his hand to assure him I was listening.

"I noticed the picture on the wall was crooked. So I tried to fix it. Then I looked at it again, and it wasn't centered, so I fixed that too. It kept nagging at me that it wasn't straight to check again, so I did and fixed it once again. I kept doing this for half an hour before I got frustrated with myself. I had to do something else. I looked out the window and it was all dark. I thought you may have gone for a swim, you do that sometimes, but the pool lights were off."

"I was swimming in the dark. I'm sorry. I just don't like the lights on at night. I thought you knew that."

"I did, It just didn't occur to me until you told me where you were. I'm sorry."

"It's ok, just continue." He took in a deep breath and started his story once more.

"Well, than I got really anxious. And for some reason when that happens or I get bored, I start counting. So I counted the glass panes in the windows. First only in rows. I'd start counting over and over again, thinking that I may have missed one, so I would start over. Then I counted them all, and again I thought I had missed one so I just kept counting and counting. I realized that it was stupid, and I hadn't missed one, but I couldn't stop myself from checking over and over again. At some point I had gone to the desk and tried not to look at the window anymore, but I still needed to keep my mind off of you being gone. I picked up some paper from the floor. I was going to draw or write, but instead I started ripping it. The sound relaxed me so I continued to do it. Then I realized how stupid I must have looked. I was frustrated with myself for doing all these stupid things that didn't make any sense. You hadn't come back yet and I knew I looked crazy. So I just…I just…snapped." He looked at me as he continued his story, his eyes pleading with me to understand.

" I picked up the paper I had torn and threw it everywhere. I screamed at the top of my lungs to ease some of the anger I felt towards myself. I looked at the wall and that stupid picture frame was taunting me, so I took out the picture and threw it at the damn window. I didn't think it would break so easily and it scared me, and then you walked in. I felt so foolish yet, so emotional. Like a child." With every word he spoke, my heart sank lower in my chest. He had just confirmed everything I had theorized. I hugged him tightly finally understanding what was wrong with my beloved partner in everything.

"I'm so sorry Hikaru. I didn't mean to put you through that. If I leave again, I will tell you before I do. I won't leave you alone again. I promise. I can't understand what your going through, but I will make sure we get you some help, to try and understand whats happening to you." As I said those words to him I could feel my heart breaking. I didn't want my brother to suffer. I didn't want this to happen. I didn't even know it was possible. I kissed his lips once more, letting all the love I had for him flow through it. The words that book had written will forever be imprinted in my mind.

'Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is mental disorder characterized by intrusive thoughts that produce anxiety, by repetitive behaviors aimed at reducing anxiety or by a combinations of such thoughts (obsessions) and behaviors (compulsions). It is not an illness that can be readily cured, and it usually lasts throughout the patients lives, never truly going away.'

Hikaru had just confessed to me without even realizing he had done so. He had Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

A/N: thanks again for reading it means a lot to me. I hope you have all enjoyed the story thus far. Just so you know this isn't the climax. There is still a lot more to come. J


	4. Only Because You Asked

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Ouran High School Host Club or any of it's characters. (I realize I keep forgetting to put this)**

**Hikaru's POV**

**The early morning sun was peeking through the curtains now, it's pale light cast lightly upon my twins angelic sleeping face. I sighed in contentment snuggling closer to him, his body holding the familiar warmth that never failed to comfort me. I closed my eyes and thought about my brother. My Kaoru, whose gentle soul never failed to leave me in awe.**

**He was always so thoughtful of me and my feelings, putting me even before himself. It was one of the ways he proved his love for me, though I had to admit it worried me sometimes. What if he was never happy because he refused to put his own desires before mine. When it came to the two of us, I had always been the selfish one, always the one to get the first say in anything, and it never occurred to me that I might be the one hurting him. Lately he seemed stressed and worried all the time. I knew I was the one to blame. He tried to play it off as nothing, but his bloodshot eyes and the dark circles surrounding them gave his lie away easily. I needed to do something for my brother. I needed to make things right. I would do anything. Anything at all that he wanted, even if it cost me my happiness. All he had to do was ask.**

******* **

**Kaoru POV**

**I woke up slowly, yawning and stretching slightly. My back hurt, my hips ached, my head was pounding. Ugh. I felt as if I had just slept on a cold hard floor. My eyes drifted open and I realized with a small snort, that I had indeed slept on the floor, Hikaru was laying painfully on top of me, his elbow digging into my side. I groaned as he started to wake up, using that same elbow to prop himself up on. He seemed to notice after a second though, moving it away so fast he nearly fell.**

"**Sorry" He yawned still half asleep. I grunted in response and stood up releasing the tension from my stiff muscles, before helping Hikaru up as well. He slung an arm over my shoulder and kissed my cheek lightly, causing me to smile at him. He just grinned back as we walked towards the bed, laying back down on top of it this time. Hikaru pulled me towards him tighter, his face buried in my hair.**

"**What time is it?" he mumbled through the copper mass that adorned my head, making my giggle slightly. I looked over at the clock in the corner of the room.**

"**It's 10:30. I should get up and get ready. I need to go somewhere." I said vaguely sitting up once more. I could feel his gaze burning the back of my skull.**

"**Where do **_**you**_** have to go?" He asked not even attempting to hide the hurt and obvious irritation in his voice. I sighed. I didn't want him to know just yet, it would ruin everything.**

"**I need to go speak with a doctor." I said simply hoping he didn't ask anymore questions. But of course luck wasn't on my side.**

"**A doctor? Is something wrong Kaoru?" He asked worriedly sitting up and turning me to around, his anxious gaze making stomach squirm in guilt. I shook my head. "then why do you have to go see a doctor?" He asked pointedly.**

"**I just have a few questions that's all." I said shrugging nonchalantly, trying to make it seem unimportant. He gave me a skeptical look before dropping the matter, for the time being anyways. **

"**Alright, When should you be back?" He asked trying to sound like it didn't bother him that I would be gone, or that I was blatantly not telling him the truth.**

"**It shouldn't take too long." I said getting up and heading towards the bathroom for a quick shower. **

"**Ok." his voice sounded a little disappointed. Guilt weighed heavily on my chest, threatening to suffocate me as I took my shower in the hottest water I could stand, trying to rid myself of the dirty feeling I got from just attempting to lie to my brother. I sighed after a few minutes of scrubbing my body raw and turned off the water. I got out and quickly dried myself off and got dressed in no time.**

**I emerged from the bathroom, drying my hair with a towel. Hikaru wasn't there. By the time I was completely ready, he still hadn't shown up. I guess I had made him mad. But I had to do this, it was for his own good. **

**Just as I was walking out of the room, I heard Hikaru's voice coming from one of the spare bedrooms. I walked towards it and listened at the door for a second, he was talking on the phone.**

"**Yeah, I know. I just don't know what to do. I know he's lying, but I don't want to start a fight. Mm hmm. Yeah, I guess your right. I feel like this is all my fault. I hope he doesn't hate me, I just don't know what to do anymore. I know. That's fine with me. I could use the company, and I'm sure Kaoru wouldn't mind when he gets back. Alright. I will see you when you get here. Thanks." I heard him hang up the phone, and I decided to make my presence known.**

"**Hey Hikaru, I'm leaving ok? I will be back shortly." I didn't want him to know I had overheard his conversation.**

"**Oh. Ok." I walked over to him and hugged him tightly to me, kissing him gently on his luscious lips.**

"**I love you." I said simply and turned to leave. His hand grabbed my wrist as I tried to leave.**

"**Why are you going to talk to a doctor Kaoru?" His eyes pleading with me to tell the truth. My heart wrenched and my stomach flipped upside down making me nauseous. **

"**I told you, I just have a few questions, nothing important really" I said looking away, trying my best not to let my guilt betray me. He let go of my wrist slowly, his eyes giving away the hurt he felt at my brush off and out right lie to. He turned around from me and sighed deeply.**

"**I love you too." I wanted to cry at the dejection his voice held. I was hurting him and I knew it. I wanted to go to him and kiss him and tell him I was sorry, and I wouldn't lie to him ever again, but I didn't, and I couldn't. I looked away from his obvious pain and walked out of the room, sighing once more. I hope he will forgive me. **

**I walked out to the waiting car in the front and dialed the number to the doctors office. I needed to let them know of my arrival. The phone rang a few times before I finally got someone, it was a nice sounding lady, who assured me the doctor would take some time to talk to me when I arrived. I let her know that privacy was an absolute must, and she assured me in her kind sounding voice, that anything I had to say would be kept strictly confidential. I thanked her and hung up, sighing heavily, the guilt returning full force to strangle me slowly.**

'**Someone is coming over. He won't be alone at least. He will forgive me, He has to forgive me.' I tried to convince myself that Hikaru would be understanding as I gazed out at the passing scenery not really absorbing any of it's beauty. After a few more minutes of arguing with myself that I was indeed doing the right thing, we pulled into our destination. I got out and walked up to the door, my hand hesitating over the handle, not sure if I should open it. After a few more seconds courage finally returned to me and I strode inside confidently. **

**I took in my surroundings as my eyes adjusted to the low lights in the building, it's decor cozy, with a homey feel to it. There was a nurses station like every other doctor's office, but instead of being behind a large intimidating counter or behind a bullet proof glass window, it was only a small inviting looking dark wood desk located in the corner of the room. Sitting directly behind it was a cheerful red haired nurse with green eyes, who looked to be about 25 or so. She noticed my hesitation immediately and came striding up to me confidently, though I felt far from it.**

"**Hello, welcome to The Psych Center. My name is Susan, you must be ?" She extended her hand and I grasped it shakily and nodded. "I spoke to you earlier on the phone. The doctor is currently in with a patient, but he should be done shortly. Feel free to help yourself to some of the refreshments we have set out." She returned to her desk and paged the doctor of my arrival. I didn't know what to do with myself. I stood there in the middle of the floor, looking around awkwardly. I must have looked like a fool, a sudden burst of anxiety washed over me and I sauntered over to the refreshment table for some strong coffee to soothe my frazzled nerves. After about 2 more minutes of waiting, the doctor finally emerged, talking to none other than Kyoya Ootori. I froze. What was he doing here?! **

"**Ah, Kaoru. How is Hikaru feeling? You haven't been to school or the host club in two days now. Is everything alright?" Kyoya asked obviously trying to overlook the fact that they had run into each other at a mental health clinic.**

"**How did you know I was Kaoru?" I asked in awe that he could so easily see that I wasn't Hikaru.**

"**Well, You obviously aren't here for yourself. Your not the one with the problems I heard. And Hikaru wouldn't have dared to come to this place by himself. He is way to stubborn" He shrugged as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.**

"**Why are you here then?" I asked bluntly, a little irritated at his ability to know everything about everyone.**

"**I am here simply to alleviate my stress level. It helps to talk to an unbiased person sometimes." I gave him a shocked look at how he could so easily talk about needing therapy. "What? You don't think that even rich people have problems? No. I simply have found it a little hard to cope as of late with all the new changes happening. Like Haruhi's and Tamaki's new found love interest, not to mention your two disappearances have caused a lot of strain on my ability to handle any situation. But that's neither here nor there. You didn't answer my question. How is Hikaru?" I was stunned to say the least. I didn't miss the jealousy in his tone when he talked about Haruhi and the boss being together, but I decided to keep my mouth closed. The doctor looked between the two of us, gauging our reactions to each other. I sighed trying to calm myself. It really was none of my business why he was here.**

"**He's ok right now. But I'm still worried about him. It's getting worse. So I decided I needed to talk to an outside source, see what I can do to help him." I was vague on the details about what was wrong with him, the last thing I wanted was for it to get out that I thought my beloved twin suffered from Obsessive Compulsive disorder..**

"**I see. Well I hope to see you at the club on Monday. We are closing the club for the afternoon to plan for our big upcoming graduation event, for Mori and Honey. This is their last year you know." I sighed, I had forgotten about that.**

'**Alright, We will try our best to be there." He gave a curt nod. He said goodbye and I watched him walk through the front doors out to a waiting limo. **

"**Mr. Kaoru Hitachiin I assume?" The doctor asked interrupting my thoughts. I smiled weakly and he walked me into his office. **

**It was huge to say the least. There were at least a dozen tropical looking trees lining the back wall in front of a huge set of windows. His desk was the same dark wood color as the nurses, and there was two couches and two chairs spread out across the room. He led me to the desk and I sat in one of the plush chairs in front of it.**

"**Alright, I understand you are here on behalf of your twin brother Hikaru Hitachiin, is that correct?" I nodded amazed at the small details he had picked up from mine and Kyoya's conversation. "Alright, tell me what's going on with your brother, I will do my best to see what I can help you two with." He leaned back in his chair and waited patiently as I started explaining what had been happening to my brother as of late, and my current worries of him having OCD. **

**It took about half an hour to go over all the incidents in detail, the anxiety he had been felling as well as his reactions to dealing with said anxiety. The entire time I talked the doctor never once interrupted me as he listened intently, his hands neatly folded on the desk. When I finished the doctor was silent for some time, I imagined I could see steam rising from his ears as he thought about everything I just told him, the image of it almost making me smile, but he interrupted my thought again as he spoke.**

"**Well, It would seem you have done some research into this." He said finally. "I would very much like to speak to your brother more though, before I can make an accurate diagnosis. Is there anyway you would be able to get him to come in and talk with me?" I shrugged and sighed deeply.**

"**I really don't know. I have no idea how he will react to me even being here in the first place." He nodded thoughtfully. "He is the more stubborn one of us, and I can't say he likes to talk to anyone other than those people he's close too, let alone about something this personal."**

"**Well if you would like, we can set up an appointment, and if he refuses to come, then just call me to cancel." I thanked him and set up the appointment for the following afternoon. Now all I had to do was convince Hikaru to come with me, and to forgive me for lying to him. And that was easier said than done. **

**We pulled into the Hitachiin estate 20 minutes later. I got out of the car and stretched my tired muscles as I walked inside to our room. I opened the door and expected to see Hikaru but he wasn't there. Anxiety filled my chest, but I pushed it away, trying to calm down and think logically. He was supposed to have someone over, maybe he was entertaining them somewhere else. I looked at my watch, It was now 12:45pm. Maybe he was down in the kitchens having lunch? I decided that was probably my best bet and headed back downstairs in search of my brother. **

**I entered the kitchen, and no one was there, not even our cook. That annoyed me.**

'**Where could the she have gone? Wasn't she a cook? She should be in the kitchen.' I thought angrily looking around for a maid to ask where everyone was at. I began to look all over the house, but no one was around. Slowly the anxiety I had been feeling started squeezing it's ugly black claws around my heart once more. Where were they? I ran out to the courtyard, but I couldn't see anyone as I frantically searched the nearby gardens. Then I stopped. I could hear a faint sound coming from the other side of the house by our pool and my breathing hitched a little as I ran over to check it out. **

**As I got closer, I realized it was a piano that was playing, and the scent of barbeque was wafting towards me. I calmed myself down slowly and walked towards the noise, hoping that Hikaru was out here. As I rounded the corner I saw where everyone had disappeared to. Hikaru was laying lazily in the water, the maids all surrounded the area, setting up tables and the 'missing' cook was currently standing over one of our grills. I smiled, there in one of the adjoining gazebos was Tamaki, playing the piano. I walked over to the outdoor kitchen to talk to one of the maids.**

"**What's going on?" She turned and blushed lightly.**

"**Oh Master Kaoru!" She flushed. "Well, uh, see, Master Hikaru wanted to have a get together with some of your friends. He said you wouldn't mind." I nodded my head and turned to walk away, but I was immediately stopped by something cold and wet. I looked up into the face of my smiling counterpart.**

"**Hey. I'm back." I said, he rolled his eyes at me.**

"**No shit Sherlock. I couldn't tell." He smiled at me and pulled me into a hug, burying his face into my neck. His wet hair tickled my cheek and the water dripped down my shirt sending chills through my spine. **

"**What's going on Hikaru" I asked holding him closely. He pulled away and looked at me as if I had asked the stupidest question in the world.**

"**We are having a party." I could've guessed that much. I was about to retort when Tamaki walked up to us looking as bright as ever.**

"**Oh Kaoru! There you are mon ami! We were worried about you. Kyoya said he saw you at the doctor's office!" My shoulders tensed waiting for his reply, this of course didn't go unnoticed, as Hikaru's eyes narrowed towards me. Thankfully he didn't say anything and let it drop. For now. **

"**Oh, yeah. He had an appointment I guess and I saw him briefly in the waiting room." I said looking turning slightly away from Hikaru's mistrusting gaze and directing my attention towards the tall blonde. He smiled at me.**

"**Your not sick are you? Kyoya said he was there for his annual check up." I shook my head silently thanking Kyoya for his cover up.**

"**No, I'm not sick. I just had a few questions for the doctor is all." I could still feel Hikaru staring at me, unwilling to believe a word that was coming out of my mouth. My mouth was dry and I nervously shifted my weight from one foot to the other, trying desperately to keep my face straight. I could tell Hikaru was upset with me, and I hated making him feel this way. I mean I would be upset with myself too if I were in his shoes. I thanked the gods silently once again as our king Tamaki shrilly announced the arrival of another guest, distracting Hikaru away from me, if only for a moment.**

"**HARUHI!!!" He screamed making my ears sting from the sudden outburst. I looked over my shoulder and sure enough there was Haruhi walking next to a sullen looking Kyoya and overly happy Honey. Mori trailing silently behind them.**

"**Hey guys, sorry we're so late. We had to stop by the store on our way here." Haruhi smiled at us. Honey bounced over to Hikaru and jumped on my twins back almost causing him to topple over. I chuckled softly at my brothers surprised expression. His glare instantly shut me up though.**

"**Hey Honey-sempai." Hikaru sighed.**

"**Hey Hika-chan! Thanks for inviting us!" Honey smiled at me. "Thank you too, Kao-Chan!"**

"**Don't thank me, this was Hikaru's idea, all thanks should go to him." I felt a tap on my shoulder and I turned only to come face to face with the shadow prince himself.**

"**Kaoru, do you mind if I have a word with you?" He smiled. It sent chills down my spine.**

"**Of course." I tried to sound just as nice as he did, though we both knew it wasn't going to be a very pleasant conversation. Once we were out of earshot he turned around completely back to his business style attitude. **

"**Ok, I ran into Tamaki, leaving the building earlier, I of course covered up the truth with a small white lie, that I would like to keep safe. I know that you don't want it to get out why you were there either I assume." It wasn't a question.**

"**Of course not. I'm sure Hikaru would rather not have anyone know our business." He nodded his head in understanding.**

"**Yes, well thankfully for both of us, Tamaki isn't the brightest crayon in the box. I don't even think it registered to him that the doctors office I had come out of was not a normal physicians office." I agreed silently. I turned to look at our group of friends and was shocked to see Hikaru's amber eyes looking directly at me. I wanted to run from the look of hurt in his eyes, that was so evident even from this distance, but I didn't. I opted instead to turn around sighing in disappointment at myself. I knew I couldn't lie to Hikaru, but I also knew I had no choice. He would either understand or he wouldn't, but either way the benefits outweighed the risk. "It seems, your brother doesn't like us talking." Kyoya smirked in amusement. I sighed. He of course was right.**

"**Well we better get back to everybody before they all start thinking we are hatching some scheme against them." Kyoya laughed a little, but nodded his head.**

"**Alright lets get back." We walked back over to the others and I instinctively grabbed Hikaru's hand in mine. I felt him start to pull away but I gripped it harder and turned to look at him. His eyes were covered for the most part with his hair, but I could feel the anger radiating off of him in waves.**

"**Hikaru, lets go get some towels for our guests." He calmed a bit and stopped resisting my hand, and we made our way towards the house. Once we were out of ear shot, I turned to him.**

"**Please don't hate me for lying to you." He seemed caught off guard that I would admit to lying so easily. Such an atrocity between us was always absolutely forbidden. I sighed knowing I had to continue, before I hurt him even worse than I had already.**

"**I wanted to tell you why I went to the doctors earlier, but if I did, you would have stopped me. I told you the truth when I said I had some questions for him. But I lied to you when I said they weren't important." He waited for me to continue.**

"**Hikaru. I have a favor to ask you." He seemed a little taken aback by this but nodded anyway for me to continue. "I need you to go with me tomorrow to go see that same doctor. You don't have to talk, but I think it could help you." He dropped my hand as if it burned him to touch it, his glare making the blood run cold in my veins. I knew this would be difficult.**

"**I should have known it wasn't a normal doctor you were seeing! You think I'm crazy is that it?" He all but shouted at me. I shook my head.**

"**No, I don't think your crazy. But I thought this could help. I NEED you to go with me tomorrow."**

"**Why?" that one word held so much venom it made the hair on the back of my neck stand up. I didn't answer him, his anger growing with every second I was silent. "Why!" He yelled causing me to step back, tears springing to my eyes. I couldn't lose my cool now, I had to stay strong for him.**

"**Hikaru.." I started off cautiously. "I only ask this as a favor to me. If it looks like it won't be of any use then we will leave immediately. I spoke with him today. He said he could help you. Help US, get through this. Hikaru, please I'm begging you." I let a few tears fall free and wiped them away angrily. I could feel Hikaru's tension fading slowly.**

"**Kaoru, please don't cry. I will go, but only for you." He grabbed my hand again and pulled me into his embrace. Let a few more tears fall into his chest, breathing in his cinnamon scent. **

"**Hikaru…" I said softly, lifting my head to look him in the eyes. "I'm so sorry…I hated that I had to lie to you. I'm so sorry. Please forgive me." I pleaded with him. His face softened a little.**

"**I will forgive you Kaoru, but I also have to ask you not to lie to me again, ok?" I nodded fervently, knowing I wouldn't be taking that risk ever again. "Ok, now lets go get those towels and get outside, our guest are waiting." He grinned. I kissed him on his luscious lips before agreeing as we headed back outside, towels in hand. **

*********

**Hikaru's POV**

**The rest of the day went without a hitch, with everyone having a good time, just relaxing and playing in the pool, while Tamaki serenaded us with his brilliant piano playing. Me and Kaoru never strayed far from each other, while Haruhi lounged in one of the chairs. We ate scrumptious lunch, consisting of grilled rosemary chicken and potato salad Haruhi had bought at the supermarket. It was rather good for commoners food. By the time night fell, everyone had gone home leaving me and Kaoru alone, finally.**

"**I love you Kaoru." I sighed hugging him close to me once more. I took in his wonderful calming scent of Lavender. It amazed me that he could pull off such a girly smell, yet, not seem too feminine. **

"**I love you too. Hikaru."**

"**I'm sorry about earlier, I should have realized you weren't trying to hurt me intentionally." He hugged me tighter.**

"**No I'm the one who is sorry Hikaru. Thank you for agreeing to go with me tomorrow." I lifted his chin up and placed a gently kiss on his strawberry lips, and gazed lovingly into his eyes.**

"**I will try, only for you. And only because you asked." He smiled that loving smiled I adored before kissing me soundly once more.**

*********

**AN- ok sorry this took so long. I hope it wasn't too drawn out. There is still much more to come, thanks for reading. Let me know what you think either in a review or PM me ok?**


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